That was rough. We had a 50% puke rate and 100% still drunk rate at lunch
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
Randomize
