You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
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