Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
I asked about his 3 inch scar on his chest. It's from when he had to castrate a bull on the estancia. Apparently this is how good bull meat is made.
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
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