"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
Randomize
