i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
That's cool how's he been?
He got hit in the face with a beer bottle so he has two black eyes and 13 stitches.. He hasnt changed much.
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
We're high and this subject came up and I'd like a female opinion: if you were a dude, what would you do if a girl tried to give you a foot job?
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
Randomize
