I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
Wow just saw this. Nothing like a little anal sex to ring in 2012.
And now she's hand feeding me pork rines and showing me her angry birds high scores. This is Vegas.
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
Randomize
