I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
Randomize
