I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
Randomize
