The brown eye won't let me do that either.
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
Randomize
