that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize
