if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
Randomize
