So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
I look excited, but its just a facade.
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
Randomize
