so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
What a fucking waste of an outfit
I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
Randomize
