He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
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