I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
Randomize