Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
Please explain to me what this has to do with my fantasy to fuck larry king?
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
You made a list of reasons why you should be on fear factor. You came up with 2 reasons: "I like fear" and "I am fear"
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
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