after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
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