i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
Randomize
