I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
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