No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
Please get rnbert tn get chebk h'm in i'm no dead when he getr gome
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
True strength comes from lack of pants
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
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