My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
I think I might stay on campus instead of going home for thanksgiving and see how many townies I can hook up with and no one will be around to judge
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
Randomize
