you didnt say anything until i brought it up today. i guess i misjudged your maturity.
I guess I misjudged your gender.
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
Just found out its our ciliated mucous membrane that traps the molly when we snort it. Biology does relate to life
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
Randomize
