in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
Randomize
