I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
Randomize
