Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
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