i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
Randomize
