Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
Randomize
