Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
How was Slumdog? Did it pull your heartstrings?
It was entertaining. Better than most other Mexican films.
No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
Played never have I ever with high schoolers today. Needless to say they brought up threesomes so I had to make a judgement call and decided to not put my finger down
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
Randomize
