Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
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