yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
Randomize
