Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
Randomize
