Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
Randomize
