nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
you only had a canadian ten, but you said it was all good cuz you would just by molson.
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
Randomize
