She said so on her MySpace, so it's gotta be true.
The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
Randomize
