Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
Packing for the trip... do they take Visa in South Dakota?
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
Randomize
