Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
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