just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Randomize
