barbara walters just said penis...
i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
Thank you, I really appreciate that. I know I couldn't participate in class tonight and I hope that doesn't affect my grade too much. So please let me know of any extra credit opportunities such as fellatio
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
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