You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
Randomize
