i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
Don't tell me you're on acid again
Randomize
