i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
Randomize
