I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
Randomize
