the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
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