Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
Randomize
