so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
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