sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
That was before I lit my hair on fire
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