She's JV to your varsity
Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
Randomize
