he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
From the same High Brittany who brought you such thoughts as, "Fuck, am I wearing shoes?" Comes High Brittany on a date! Stay tuned. This will be interesting.
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
Randomize
