She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this...
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
I think pants incapable of making pants work
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
Randomize
