So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
Randomize
