Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Randomize
