Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
Randomize
