If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
Randomize
