Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
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