one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
You took a bar mat shot.
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
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