I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
We're hate flirting, damnit.
Randomize