i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
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