if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends?
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize
