at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
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