I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
is this the sara with the beer cane?
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
Randomize
