Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
Randomize
