just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
if i died would you start the facebook group?
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
Crop dusting thru forever 21
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