You're so nebulous sometimes
I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
Randomize
