I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
Randomize
