Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
Randomize
