you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
where am i from again
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
how do you play pong handcuffed?
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
Randomize
