if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
Randomize
