tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
Try not to get arrested for it, but otherwise i support you
He's CUTE. and foreign
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
Randomize
