Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
Randomize
