I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
why is pumping your own stomach in your searches on youtube?
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
I just got carded by a ten year old.
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
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