dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
Randomize
